I got some news Monday afternoon that I’m still trying to process. Good and bad. Oh it’s nothing too too bad, but it was enough to shake me a bit and to start me going through a whole series of “what ifs”. Not necessarily the best head space to be in, hence the missed posting yesterday.
First though some good news. Shawn has some steady work for the next 10 or so days which is always nice. Unfortunately it also means that he will be out of town for the duration. Hannah, our youngest, is despondent that her dad will not be here for her grade 7 grad night, but it can’t be helped. We will have to make sure that we take lots of pictures so that he can see it all after the fact. Not ideal, but it will have to do. He leaves today. My heart feels a bit tenderized every time he goes out of town. I just finished saying good-bye and I miss him already. You’d think I’d be used to this sort of thing by now, but when I know that he’s heading out on the road, I miss him the moment the door closes behind him. Safe travels and God speed, my love.
The other news, the news that shook me more than it should have, was that Hannah was diagnosed with a possible hole in her retina and it was causing some pulling, or traction, to occur. Say what?! I have worked in healthcare for over 20 years and now the Rolodex of possible outcomes starts flipping in my brain. Holes can lead to tears, which can lead to detachment, which will necessitate surgery….on and on it went. The thoughts kept coming and soon I was fighting tears. Hannah was freaked out over having her eyes dilated, how was she going to cope with having a laser aimed at her eye or surgery???? This is my baby we’re talking about here. The fact that we got a specialist appointment within 2 weeks, further exacerbated things – that to me says that they’re taking this very seriously. Is there something they’re not telling me??
“WHOA!!! Pump those breaks Cheley! You’re going 100 miles an hour down a road you shouldn’t even be on! God’s got her remember?!” “Yeah but….” “No ‘yeah buts’ He’s got her. Period. He’ll take care of it.” It’s conversations with myself like this that make me realize that I’m perhaps not as far down that 12 inch road as I’d like to think. You know that road…it’s the one from your head to your heart. I swear that it is one of the hardest roads to travel, EVER. It is fraught with cliffs and potholes, and possible detours. In church speak, it is full of those things that are strongholds, and it our job to navigate this road and to tear down those strongholds, (or…to fill the potholes, build guardrails & post signage).
Strongholds…for many they are the very thing that they are knowledgeable on. For me it is my healthcare background and I struggle, at times, with believing for miraculous healing. I have perused thousands of patient charts and I know how some illnesses will more than likely progress, I know the standard treatments, I know….the hard part is putting aside what you know for what God says He can and will do. It goes against the grain a bit doesn’t it?
“But the doctor said…” “I know, but what does God say? what does His word say?” And down that road we travel one more time. One more pot hole to fill. One more guardrail to build. One more stronghold reduced to rubble. So, off I go…bucket and shovel, or hammer and nails, in hand. Time to get to work, to bury in my heart the things that God says, and to uproot those things which are tripping me up.