on waking up

“It’s time to get up pussy cat.” A finger starts to gently rub up and down the one available cheek and is followed by a gentle kiss. “Come on Chel, time to get up.”  It’s my dad and I’m hunkered down in my bed. He always very gently woke us up, allowed us to stretch and slowly come to awareness, to become awake.

This morning’s wake up wasn’t so gentle. It was a full on rush to work on laundry, lunches, showers, and driving in rush hour to get to work.  BEEP!!!!!!  “Wake UP! it’s time for school! ”  BEEP!!! as I jolt a driver to awareness with my horn to avoid an accident.  BEEP!!! Dryer is done.  BEEP!!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!!

Life has become so busy, so full, so much that can’t get done in a day.  My laundry room is evidence enough of that. Yet, despite the business that 4 teenagers, 2 dogs and all that accomanies them brings, I can’t help but feel an urgency to mark this time and mark it well. An urgency that is pointing me to be more aware, more awake to the season that I’m in. 

Over the years of raising my children, I found that I have become somewhat complacent in the doing of it. Taking for granted the whys and wherefores that made up our home.  Having a fourth teen added to the mix has made me more than ever, aware of what we are doing and especially the why.

All my kids are teenagers, and my time to instill and guide is slowly closing.  There is one who is working, one in her grad year, and two others in highschool.  Now is the time of making sure they have everything they need to make out in the world.  That, my friend, is my job as a parent.  It’s not up to the school, though they help; it’s not up to the church, thought they too help.  It’s my job, my assignment, and I feel that so keenly now. How do I guide in this season? How do I let go? What do I do and how should I react when they do something dumb like stay out all night and leave me worrying until the wee hours of the morning? How do I reconcile the urges to simutaneously hug and smack them?

“Trust God” 

Sometimes that’s easier said then done, especially in the heat of the moment.  Then I remember my one word for this year, “Lean”.  Lean on me when you can’t take another step. Lean not on your own understanding. Lean into me as a close friend or lover to tell of confidences and woes. Lean Chel, Lean. 

So here I sit (stand?) learning once again to lean into God, into His wisdom, His insights. Trying to wake up more to His leading, and becoming more awake as a parent so that when I speak to my children regarding anything it is with love & wisdom; releasing them into the world knowing that I have done my best and that God will take them the rest of the way.

in response to a syncroblog at SheLoves

image borrowed from Godvine

Comments

  1. “How do I reconcile the urge to simultaneously hug and smack them”…. Oh you make me laugh my friend. I love your honesty and your beautiful words. Xoxo

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