Yesterday marked your 69th birthday. Oh how I wish we could’ve celebrated with you. To see you smile, laugh and to hold you once more.
I miss you. The ache of your loss still makes my throat close, and tears to well. When you left us to fend for ourselves here on earth, you left a hole that is difficult to fill, and harder to ignore.
It’s been 7 years since you went home. I wonder what your home looks like now. I wonder what you think as you watch your grandchildren grow up. You are watching, I know you are. They were your world, every single one of them. Do you point them out to your friends? I think you do.
This week marks not only your birthday, but the anniversary of your passing. It is a bit of a dark week for both Shawn and myself. A difficult week. A week of longing. Yet, it is offset by the knowledge, and the joy, that you are in the presence of Jesus and are no longer suffering that bone deep ache that cancer brings. It is the knowledge, & the conviction that we will see you again one day that makes your absence easier to bear, easier to swallow.
We try not to make too big a deal of these dates at home. The kids still will tell me how much they miss you, and then there’s silence as they once again process things. So, for now, we keep things low key. If Shawn and I are out of sorts, we brush it off as stress, fatigue, or any other excuse, so as not to make this week too terribly dark.
For now there is silence. A remembering. And a pressing forward, knowing that you would not allow anything less.