With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more
Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now
When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah
These words from ‘Broken Hallelujah’ by Mandisa speak to me. In the past few months there have been many times when it felt difficult to sing, to raise my hands, to enter fully into worship. In those moments, the words came out but my heart wasn’t “feelin it” (if you know what I mean).
“How you leave something determines how you enter another thing.”
I heard this again this past weekend. It got me to thinking about how I’m going to leave this year and enter 2014. Do I want to enter it in a cloud or do I want to enter it being thankful for the moments, and for the people. In a way that’s a no brainer, but it challenging nevertheless.
So, to leave 2013, I now offer my broken hallelujah; a list of people, occasions, and things that leave me smiling, feeling thankful, and hopefully, entering the new year with a thankful heart despite the darkness that looms at the edges.
Nearly 22 years together, 20 of them married to each other. You are my hero and my rock. Love you forever and always.
My reason for getting up morning after morning.
Biggest influences this past year. Alongside all the great people over at SheLoves…you help me to see the world through a different lens. Thank you.
Daily Audio Bible was one of the biggest things that I added to my life this past year. I started listening part way through the year and am looking forward to being able to listen to the entire bible this coming year.
Some other things that come to mind:
The high school graduation of my oldest child.
Having a post published at SheLoves Magazine.
Being able to finally sit in a SheLoves Conference instead of working it – Oh what a decadence that was.
Being able to celebrate 20 years of marriage in Hawaii with the love of my life. Holidays away, never mind without kids, are always a big treat.
I’ve looked through pictures, re-read posts, and perhaps the thing that I am most thankful for are those of you who have come back to visit me here time and again. To you I say a heartfelt “THANK YOU”.
This year finds me ending it slightly broken, slightly dark, but reaching heavenward with a broken, yet joyful, hallelujah on my lips. Looking forward to spending 2014 with you.
Hugs & Smooches