Things have been hectic and life took hold and shook me good over these past 2 months. If this post ends up sounding a bit whiney, then I will apologize now and will not feel bad in the least if you want to call it quits right now.
We are sitting smack dab in the middle of December and where I live that means that the days are still getting shorter (we may get 8 hours of daylight) and for the most part those days are fairly overcast and dreary. The darkness outside seems to crawl right inside of you and for some (like me) it seems to take hold and try to color how you see the world.
Going from an evironment that fairly screamed sunlight (spent 10 days in Hawaii in October) to one that tries to hide it with all its might did a number on me. The world soon took on a darkish cast and things were beginning to rapidly feel overwhelming and I crawled into a potato chip bag with a romance novel and didn’t want to come out. In fact, I stayed there for quite some time, not quite comfortable but enough so that I had little desire to crawl out of it. The future looked scary, and my house, my kids, my hubby and my attitude suffered.
I knew I had to make some drastic changes in order to pull myself out of the hip deep potato chip mire that I found myself in, yet I wasn’t sure what to do until I saw that a friend of mine was going to do a fast for the month of December and something clicked. You know that click, the one that makes your head come up and grabs your attention? Yeah that one. Now the question was what to give up. The instant I asked myself that question I knew the answer, or should I say answers. Yup, more than one thing had to go by the wayside.
“NOT FAIR!” I shouted. “WHY???”
God’s answer: “You need to get your head on straight before your husband leaves for Russia”
So here we are 2 weeks into this fast and it has not been an easy road. This week in particular has found me falling flat on my face…a few times, and has seen a copious amount of tears. I has seen me picking up and doing exactly what I wasn’t do to. “Sorry” became my mantra again and again to God as I failed to keep to the parameters He had set for me. The only thing to do was to pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again. Random crying moments also seemed to asail me a time or two and made getting through my day a little more difficult.
Though this week has been hard, it’s had its ups as well. A crazy story about a lost oil cap, and a car that didn’t blow up over the (I’m assuming) 24 hours that it was gone; a story about a trumpet that wasn’t supposed to be done until Friday and it showed up done on Tuesday, and another story about a paycheck that turned up early and made it to the bank in record time despite Hoss’s location.
So many instances that could be fobbed off as coincidence; but me, I know that it was God. God showing me that it’s going to be okay; that yes, it’s hard right now but He’s got my back. God sending some fatherly hugs and smooches to a girl who sometimes feels like she’s riding the razor edge of darkness.
We are starting to see light, starting to push back the darkness. We are, my friends, slowly on the mend. I have yet to tackle anything Christmas (I heard you gasp), but that too will get done…eventually.
Thinking of you all, and I promise to get better at not only this blogging piece but also at the life piece.
Hugs and Christmas Blessings to you all.