It’s been a while since I’ve put pen to paper, so to speak. The reasons are many and varied, but the most glaring is that I lost faith in myself.
A few months ago I had a friend take me aside to talk. The upshot of the talk was to talk about my writing. She was gracious and kind, but what I walked away from that meeting was, “you’re not good enough”. She didn’t say that, but that is what I came away with.
It was a huge blow for me. I struggle with writing regularly and finding topics. I was encouraged to start writing by a friend and now I seemed to have failed, not only her but myself as well.
Who am I to write?
What do I have to say that people haven’t heard a millions times over from a million different people?
Do I even have a speck of writing talent?
I don’t have the answers. What I do know is that this blog was not my idea it was God’s. Whether or not I feel qualified or even enjoy the process, I need to be obedient and write.
I’d been feeling the nudge to write again over the past few months. I put it off time and time again. The nudge never got any stronger and I tended to bat at it like it was a pesky fly, hoping it would go away.
Then a strange thing began to happen. Over the course of several weeks particular scripture verses began to pop out at me, some a bit obscure, others not so much but put all together they sounded like God was sending me a very strongly worded message.
Passages from Numbers (weird, I know) and several from the gospels that when put together gave a message that sounded something like this:
“Why have you stopped when I haven’t told you to stop. There are people on the other side of your obedience that need to hear what you have to say. Stop worrying about the what and the how; I’ll tell you what to write. Give me and this writing thing one more year; with some tending and faithfulness there will be fruit, watch and see. My girl, be strong, be courageous, and write. Write and do what I tell you to, and see what will happen when it is left in My hands. Trust me.”
So now, it’s time to start a fresh. It is time to blow the dust off and see what may happen if I purpose to write; maybe not every day but at least once or twice a week.
I’m scared. In fact, I’m terrified. It feels dangerous, nerve wracking, and all together daunting, but it’s time to listen and do what I was told to do….write and maintain a blog writing about the goodness of God despite the very real struggles of life and faith as best I can; to trust when I have little or no control over the outcome.
So my friends, this is me trying to be faithful, aiming for a mark, and relying on God to steer this boat. This is me trying to heed that nudge, to listen to it, and to act on it.